I was trying my damnedest best to create a blog about quarter-life crisis, the stage that sadly, I am in, along with my other friends and other people in my generation. Until I told myself, damn, I can’t. I can’t figure out where to start, and where to end. I am actually close to just saving this as a draft until I read Issa’s email, saying how she’s always sad. And so I had then that certain kind of rush to continue this blog.

This one goes to everyone who thinks they’re also in this thing. Kapit-bisig tayo, mga kapatid.

What’s quarter-life crisis you might ask me? Thank God for Kate’s message that made me smile bitterly to myself as I read the following text:

Quarter-life crisis is a medical term for the phase after adolescence, usually for ages 21-30. 

Some symptoms:
Feeling not good about your job
Frustration with relationships
Insecurity about life goals
Nostalgia for school
A sense that everyone is better than you.

Furthermore, this stage occurs shortly after young, educated professionals enter the “real world” and then they realize that it is tougher,  meaner and very much unforgiving.
I’m gonna do it punto per punto, to see if I really am under the damn stage.

Feeling not good about your job. Hell, I am. I really, really believe that I can do better than what I am doing. I actually finished my three-month contract and I still believe that I am such a slob. Although, I believe that my officemates believe that “may ibubuga pa ko” (or so I thought), I just can’t, and I can’t force myself to do the things that I don’t want to do in a long time. So why the hell am I not quitting? Because I’m not that stupid, nor crazy, just yet. Thinking about how a lot of people are having a hard time looking for jobs made me think that I’m still lucky. I  mean, I don’t have my dream job, but hell, I do have  a job. But it does not make me feel good. There are days that you just drag yourself to come to the office. That’s hell.

“The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking”
– The Climb, Miley Cyrus

Frustration with relationships. LOL. I don’t have one. Ang love life ko ay parang Coke, zero. But, the good thing is, I love my life. It just sucks that I don’t have that constant someone to tell all my life’s frustrations. So, I need a shock absorber? Nah, probably just an inspiration. I know I can’t just blurt it out loud to anyone that I am feeling sad and all but it will actually feel good if you have that companion who’ll listen, not complain, just listen even if I’ve said my lines over and over it hurts his ears. Haay.

“Mahahanap rin kita. Mahahanap rin kita.” – Nasaan Ka, Pupil

Insecurity about life goals
. Remember how we always say “In ten years time, my net worth will be (insert amount here).” Do you actually want to know what’s my net worth? Baka mahiya ka. If Issa is bummed about her *toot* networth (I dunno if its fine by her for me to say that), mine’s a meager two grand, na nanganganib pang maubos dahil sa mga walang kawawang-bagay. And everytime she says that, I just smile. The thing is, well, I don’t have any excuses, I don’t know what’s the thing. I just try to pamper myself and I end up not having the money to save. Like buying all the food that I want. Talk about being glutton, and all the books that I wanted to read, I buy them, just because, I want to. And all the dress and clothes that I like. LOL. I’m soo baad at budgeting, my Personal Financial Management prof better give me a good spanking.

Nostalgia for school
. If it isn’t obvious then I’m gonna have to reiterate it over and over again. I miss PLM, Ma’am Luds, my classmates and everything in PLM. Even the snotty guards, I miss! Nuff said.

“I’ll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I’ll be there for you
Like I’ve been there before
I’ll be there for you
‘Cuz you’re there for me too…”
– I’ll Be There For You, The Rembrandts

A sense that everyone is better than you.
 Probably on the financial area, and on the ‘luck is on their side’ area, I really do feel that everyone is better than me. Especially when some of these guys I went to school with, I knew I can do better, I’m not going to namedrop cause its bad, but I know deep in my heart, jealousy is eating me. Its eating me whole.

Damn. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. I really am in my quarter-life crisis.

The ‘real world’ is bad. I used to think, why do they always say ‘real world’? Hindi ba totoo ang mundong ginagawalawan ko sa school? Am I in some kind of a dimension? But you know what, I do understand that now, And yeah, the real world is tougher, tougher than the toughest action star; it is meaner, meaner than I can ever be; and it will constantly try to bring you down, until you’ve got no more time left, no more 1ups, and no more save to continue. It sucks. Gameover. No nothing. Not even insert coin to continue.

But hell. I am thankful. You want to know why? Its because the way I am feeling actually has a name, science has recognized it, I’m not just depressed or whatever. Its because, I was starting to believe that I am just being insane, or unsatisfied with the way life’s treating me, or just plain unlucky, but the good thing is, almost half of the world is with me on this one, I’m not alone,and that we can totally get over this stage, in time, in our own time. And that I can totally do it on my own, I just have to make the right choices and still be hopeful. Hear that Issa? No need to be sad.

I’m also holding on to my ‘hopeful’ playlist whenever I feel gloomy, its like a sickness, a blank spell. Hehehe.

Press Play.

Our Lives – The Calling
I’ll Be There For You – The Rembrandts
Dream Big – David Cook
Tumatakbo – Mojofly
Nasaan Ka – Pupil
Bad Day – Daniel Powter
Wag Kang Matakot – Eraserheads
Shake Yer Head – Eraserheads
Wishing Wells – Eraserheads
Forever – Chris Brown
Love Story – Taylor Swift
Sangatsu Kokonoka – One Liter of Tears Soundtrack
Reyna ng Quezon City – Juana
So Yesterday – Hilary Duff
The Climb – Miley Cyrus
Just Stand Up – various artists
What Dreams Are Made Of – Hilary Duff
Why Not – Hilary Duff
With Or Without You – U2
Miracles Happen – Myra
Its My Life – Bon Jovi

“Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance?”
– Why Not, Hilary Duff

“Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle”
– Just Stand Up, various artists

Like Frankie said, “I did it my way”.” – Its My Life, Bon Jovi

So, suck on that, crisis! You can’t bring me down.

For more reading on querter-life crisis, eto o —>  http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

“Tatanggapin na alng ba ang malupit na tadhana.
O kaya’y tatanggapin na lang ba na ako’y sadyang hindi pinagpala
Tigilan na ang drama, punasan na ang luha.”
– Tumatakbo, Mojofly.