Two things prompted me to write this. First is that Multiply draft post “Ang Hirap Maging Babae” that I’ve been having a hard time shortening (I remember Joseph’s calling my attention to shorten posts) that I finally had the idea of breaking it down into three or four parts. Depending upon my rant levels, that is.

Second is that one time when I’m riding a bus then a friend texted me asking how was I doing, to which I retorted with, “Masakit ang paa”. All because I was wearing those sky-high heels and walked along Ortigas Ave. under the scorching heat of the sun.

So much for an intro. Now here are the tips on how not to wear your high-heeled shoes.

1.    Never grow up. Unless you live in Neverland, or you die young, its pretty much inevitable for you not to wear those killer shoes. At one point in their lives, I would bet my head on it that 99% of the girls I know had worn high-heeled shoes. Even three of the girls I know who claim to be lesbians had worn a pair during JS prom.

2.    Never go to a shoe store that sells to-die-for shoes. Like those times when Issa and I would always, always drop by Shoe Salon just to try on those beautiful Keds wedges. Or in my poor case, never go to ukays with high-heeled steals that looks good on my feet. So you can’t help it. You’ve seen it, tried it on and for the love of Tyra Banks and Giselle Bundchen, it has one in your size. SO you bought it. Spent more than a weeks’ salary for that pair that added oomph! to your style. In my case, I saw one that I liked, tried it on and for the love of Imelda, it fits! (as ukays only have one size, one style) I am Cinderella! And its just over a little hundred bucks and still in very good condition. What could be cooler than that? So I bought it.

3.    Its meant for walking not for looking so it did looked great! You feel great! Everyone’s jealous of your purchase. And then it happened. After walking in it sexily, you felt it. A slight pang of pain that makes you twinge every now and then. And then you had to walk some more to get to the main road. So you became irritated but dealt with it the rest of the day. Hence, the TIIS-GANDA word.

4.    You go home almost crippled, corns and calluses on every toe, wearing that what-a-feet-killer-you-damn-shoes-I’m-never-wearing-you-again look plastered on your face. So what do you do? You tend to your feet, massage it and curse a bit. Then you go to sleep swearing you’ll never wear them again even if your life depended on it.

5.    You wake up, take a bath, don on your clothes and eye those pair again.

End of story? Pikit-mata habang sinusukat at isususot muli,  making yourself believe that it happens kasi bago pa yun.

P.S. Then you remembered you forgot to ”bite” them so they wouldn’t hurt again. Damn superstitions.