Dear Papa,

Before anything else, I would like to say ‘I love you’ because I may forgot to mention it later in this letter because of its ‘randominity’.

I know that our family has been through a lot over the past six months and that you and mama are doing all you can to keep our family together. And I appreciate that, more than anything else in the world right now.

I also want you to know that I miss you so much. A lot has changed since the day you ran in the local barangay elections and filed the petition case because your opponent altered the turn out of votes. You have been so busy, we barely even talk like we used to.

I remember the days when I was still a kid; you would always trick me and my siblings in kissing your sweaty and hairy pits. I don’t know how you managed to do that, oh well, maybe because, a yucky kiss means one peso. Do you still remember when I asked you just lately how much you’d pay me if I kiss your pits now  that I’m 19? You said you’d pay me 20 bucks. You’re a cheapskate, Pops!

How about that time you found out i already had a boyfriend? You got so angry and jealous then mama said you said with gritted teeth: “(insert curse here) yan, ‘pag niloko niyan ang baby ko, mapapatay ko siya!” and yes, that schmuck did fooled me, go ahead and kill him. Just kidding!

I also missed the times when you have just shaved and you would brush your newly-shaved face onto my skin just to annoy me. I also missed the times when you would snatch the remote control from me and changed channels, to UFC or NBA or any sports-related show that you love watching. And then you would lie down while watching it. While I on the other hand, impatiently waits for you to doze off to sleep, say for about thirty minutes or so, and when you finally did, I would expertly snatch back the remote control from you and enjoy my TV time. But you sometimes wake up and tell me: “Nanonood ako.” to which I would reply with: “Nakapikit ka naman eh!” and you would say: “Nakikinig ako.” I really missed our little arguments over the television, because, well, we don’t have a TV to fight over in the first place. You also promised we’ll get it fix in no time but it’s still not fixed. But I forgive you, father.

Oh, yeah. Just to tell you how great of a father you are, my friends, even my OJT supervisor envied me when they learned you faithfully bring me to the office every single day of my internship.

Papa, do you also miss those times? Because lately, everything that we ever talked about in this house is election-related. Not that I hate talking about it to you, but I just hope that even for a day, maybe even on Father’s Day,  we would spend the day like we used to. It was simple. But we are happy. I could not believe I’m crying right now, I haven’t cried for two years straight. I’m crying because I know that you are in so much pain right now. And since I have been confessing a lot in this letter, I would tell you how I’ve been observing you for months now. I often see you heaving a deep sigh, or staring out of nowhere, thinking. You have been doing that a lot. And every time you notice that I am looking at you, you would always say: “Hindi ako makatulog.” Seeing you like that breaks my heart into tiny little pieces, especially when you were in our room talking to Tita Dada over the phone asking for some financial support for the case. Your voice broke down and I woke up because of that. I could not believe my ears. The man of the house was crying and I suddenly felt the urge to just hug you. I did. Because that was all I could do, I could not utter a single word for fear I would broke down, too. But I felt you were resisting my hug. What you don’t realized was that everything I ever wanted to say was in that hug and all you did was tell me to go back to sleep. You just don’t know how much it crushed me. I wanted to tell you that I am your daughter; you can be anything you want to be in front of me. You don’t have to be strong always, because you are a person. Yes, you are my hero, you will forever be, but heroes can be weak too, you know.

I sometimes wonder if you ever cried in front of mama. I hope you did.

Lately, I’ve been wishing a lot of things, from the sanest to the craziest. I wish that the case we filed would soon be over. I wish that I was born before kuya so that by now, I would have enough money to help you financially. I wish that my brothers finished their college degrees, got a good job and help you financially. I wish that we have gone back to time and kept a keen eye on that ballot box they tampered so they never would have change the turnout of votes and succeeded in their evil deed. I even wish that I would find a bag of money that we can use or even win the lottery even if I don’t place bets and never believed in that. But right now, all I can do is pray. And I hope that He would soon answer us.

And yes, I can also write a letter telling you how much proud of a daughter I am for having a father like you. I so love you for being able to put up with mama’s nagging. I so love you for being able to put up with me and my siblings’ constant fighting. I so love you for believing in me, like you always did. I so love you for just being there. And we are here too. I love you, pops. Happy Father’s Day.

Love,

Gzel.

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