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Just few minutes ago, my father sat beside me, dropped a bomb by asking me this question: “Hindi ka ba nahihirapan sa trabaho mo?” This was then followed by me looking at him with a quizzical look while saying “Ha, bakit?” and him putting his hand over my shoulder with a follow up question that goes like this: “Nangangayayat ka e. O puyat ka lang?”

I told him that I was okay. I’m doing fine.

I was actually about to answer him: “Kelan ba ko tumaba, ‘Pa? Sen. Miriam Santiago even told me that I’m so thin I looked like a ghost, remember?” But he was too concerned about me that for me to even give him that smart-ass answer would feel like I deserve a spanking. lol

Okay. I’m not totally okay. No one’s ever totally okay, well, except for people who are six feet under. 

Siguro, kaya ito natanong ng tatay ko sakin ngayon e dahil sa crying fiasco I had two nights ago. As in hagulgol. Ngalngal. May hikbi. Isang buong oras ata ako umiiyak. Naubos ko yung buong rolyo ng tissue. Yung sobrang iyak na ang sakit pa rin ng left eye at ulo ko hanggang ngayon dahil sa pagpigil pag-iyak dahil may kausap ako sa telepono. Yung parang batang iniwan ng mga magulang. I haven’t cried like that in ages. I didn’t even cry when my then boyfriend cheated on me nor when my then boss got superrrrrr mad at me.

Wala namang nagtanong sakin kung bakit ako umiyak. Well, my sister did, pero not directly to me, but frankly, I’m too tired to share. Work lang. There really are just some people who are too difficult to deal with.

I stand by with what my PM told me: There are really difficult people. They are here to remind us of the people we should never become. To which I retorted with “Opo nga. Note to self: Never do a _____ ______.”

My EP told me naman na “Hindi lang ito ang pagdadaanan mo dito.” I know. This is actually I think my official welcome to the network that I longed to work for.

My SP told me to stop crying because I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I did everything that I could, everything was just beyond my control.

I was just one of the unlucky ones who get caught in the middle of it all. And I knew from the start that this inevitable would happen. If not in this episode, it would caught up with me with another.

Pero eto ang point ko. Meron bang taong hindi nahihirapan sa trabaho niya, ever? Omaygad, kung meron man, ipakilala mo siya saken, I’d snag that job from his hands if I have to. 

Yung security guard nga na nakatayo lang ang trabahong kedali-dali e namomroblema kung paano papatayin ang boredom habang nagbabantay; yung estudyante ngang pabandying-bandying e namomroblema rin kung papaano niya sasabihin sa mga magulang niyang hindi pa rin siya gagraduate; yun ngang designer na ang laki laki ng kinikita e nahihirapan din naman kung paano niya pa icha-challenge ang sarili niya.

Wala naman kasi talagang madaling trabaho. Kahit sino pang tanungin mo. Kahit nga si Noynoy na nagno-noynoying lang e nahihirapan papaniwalain ang sambayanan na may ginagawa siya talaga e.

So even if I cried, I like my job. Yung pagkakatanong ng tatay ko sakin kanina, kulang na lang sabihin niyang mag-resign ka na kaya? Loser much? Yung ganong pangyayari iisipin kong nahihirapan na ko? Part yun ng trabaho ko e, I know. 

Kahit umiyak ako, gusto ko pa rin yung ginagawa ko. Imagine, flexi time, you get to meet a lot of people, the challenges that spice it up, the learnings and finally practicing what you have learned instead of answering some stupid American’s queries from miles away making you feel the stupid one. No thanks, I’ll keep my job. I know a lot of boys and girls who’d kill for my job.

To answer my father’s question, “Yes. Nahihirapan ako sa trabaho ko. Just like how frustrated you sometimes get with your men; just like how Mama deals with office politics; just like how Cat gets burned out by writing the same topics over and over; I get frustrated with the people I deal with and I get burned out by some of them, too. But that’s not enough reason for me to give up or to even think that hirap na hirap na ko. True, I did cry my heart out two nights ago. I’d go nuts if I don’t. You didn’t raise me to grow without a backbone. I am one tough girl, who sure cries out of frustration, too much work and normalcy, but just like how Jason Mraz sings, “I won’t give up on us…””

I’m trying to take the road to my dream that this simple thing would hinder me from doing it: that is to write a book about the industry that everyone who is ever interested in it will learn from, know some tips and tricks of the trade, divulge some secrets and ultimately make the future generation educate the viewers better, because hey, let’s admit it, this industry has a BIG influence in shaping the mind of the viewers. But this should be discussed on another post. 

There are more people like this man who I’d meet in this industry. Some may make me cry again, some I’d curse, shrug off or may even let some have a piece of my mind. Hell, I even think I’d deal with him every now and then, that’s what I’m sure of. But that won’t stop me in conquering one of my many goals.

This is such a long post already. But you know what I really answered my father? I assured him and said, “Puyat lang siguro. Stress lang.”

P.S.

Imagine me throwing the last piece of tissue and shrugging this off now. I don’t care about you anymore. I actually laughed silently when my SP texted me “Wag kang iiyak.” Never again. Yun na yun teh. Tama na.

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