…or why I think the internet should not just verify if the user is “human,” but should have an IQ test in order to allow a person to use the internet.

In my defense, my brother is worse, he said and I quote:  “Dapat talaga may libreng manual ang binibigay sa magulang pagkapanganak sa ospital kung paano maiiwasan magpalaki ng tangang bata.”

How mean is that?

Anyway, what prompted me to post this blog is that stupid viral screen grab photo of GMA Senior News Correspondent, Ivan Mayrina. But let’s save the best for last, shall we?

Disclaimer: Tabi tabi poooo.

So here are six annoying things that people do in the internet:

1. Misleading selfies. Or selfies na may mga malalalim na quotes, tapos mukha mo lang pala ang makikita ko?!

Iritang-irita ako sa ganito. Minsan naka-link pa sa Twitter, so you have to click the link in order to see the photo, tapos makikita ko lang mukha mo? Ikaw, matutuwa ka ba kung halimbawa ganito:

1255201_10201925513878875_1429742454_nAng caption ng post na ito ay:

“Tang, buhay ang target. Ayusin mo ‘to.” Channeling my inner Ma’am Thelma. Cat’s eye sunnies – check red lips – check yosi – check freshly manicured nails- check. So if you haven’t already, catch #OTJ while it’s still in cinemas! Lol #onthejob

Yan, diba may connection? Ikaw, matutuwa ka ba kung ang inilagay ko dyan na caption ay: “Love is not finding someone to live with, It’s finding someone you can’t live without.”

Matutuwa ka ba? Di ba hindeeee? Buti sana kung ang nilagay ko dyan e, “Kung ikaw ang yosi ko, hanggang filter hihithitin ko.” At least yun diba may konek pa sa yosing hawak ko? So ano? Magkakaron pa tayo ng tamang pagcacaption lesson dito? Pati ba naman yun? Ang basic ha. At wag niyo kong daanin sa mga pa-deep shit niyo, gumawa ka ng tula o haiku kaya kung gusto mo magpaka-deep, ilublob kita sa balong malalim e.

Parang sa journalism class ko lang dati yan e, sabihin mo kung ano yung nasa picture, kung ano yung nangyayari, but not necessarily what is happening that we can already see in the picture. Okay? Sayang ka sa bandwidth e.

2. “Ano po yung title nung may lyrics na baby, baby, baby, oh! like baby, baby, baby oh!” and other stupid questions that bear stupid answer.

For the last time, ang ibig sabihin po ng GMG ay “Google Mo, Gago.” Hindi ko talaga maiintindihan kahit kailan kung anong level ng katangahan o katamaran meron ang mga taong tinatanong ang mga bagay na pwede naman nilang malaman on their own. Mag-research ka naman, may time ka ngang mag-FB post ng kung nasan ang link ng sex video ni Wally Bayola e, di sana ikaw na lang ang nag-search diba? Manyak na tamad pa? Samang kombinasyon niyan, koya, ate.

Kaya walang pag-unlad e.

The information is right at your fingertips. Lahat isasagot ni Google sayo, magtanong ka lang ng tama. Nakakaloka.

3. Posers.

1Ganito ako kadaming angst ngayong araw na ito. Pero sa totoo lang, sinong natutuwa sa mga posers? Ano? Ganyan ka ba kapanget at kailangan mong magnakaw ng identity ng ibang tao? Anong motibo niyo? Gross. Ikayayaman niyo ba yan? Makakakuha ka ng lalaki, o babae, o tapos pag nagmeet na kayo? Nganga kasi chaka ka pala in real life.

Wag ganun, e ganyan talaga e, bawi na lang sa ibang aspeto ng buhay. Mag-aral ka kaya, o magpayaman, o magkaron ng sense of humor? You know, beauty is skin deep, paglagpas ng mukha, ang masusustain na is yung pag-uugali. Ayan ha, ina-uplift ko na spirits niyo.

Kung di kayo titigil, tigilan niyo paggawa ng poser accounts ng mga kakilala ko, effort kayo sa pagre-report, depota.

Isa pa pala yung mga nagka-copy paste ha, pwede kids, matuto kayo mag-rewrite. Pati ba naman yun kinatatamaran niyo? Ano, nganga na rin in the future?

4. Mga parinigan ng parinigan sa Facebook.

Ewan ko sa inyo ha, pero last I checked, magtu-twenty five na ko in a week, so bakit, bakit, bakit ako nakakakita ng mga posts sa feed ko na nagpaparinigan ang mga tao?!?

Ano to?! High school flashback? Backstabbing bitches all around?

Akala ko kasi since hindi ko ina-approve ang mga bagets na pinsan at pamangkin ko, e less drama na ang feed ko sa walang kawawaang drama ng mga tao sa buhay. Pero men, may mga naliligaw pang mga taong mas matatanda sa akin na makaasta sa Facebook, parang asa stage pa lang ng puberty. Latebloomer ka ba ‘te, koya?

Please, umakto ng naaayon sa edad. Saan kayo kumukuha ng immaturity para umastang fifteen year old na inagawan ng boyfriend ng best friend niya? Let us all graduate from this immaturity and give our news feeds a break from your mindless woes. There are far more important things than your officemate who told your boss that you were sleeping on th ejob, or whatever it is that you have done, or not.

Hawakan mo na sa tenga!

5. Celebrity death hoax

jackie chan 1

If you search the name “Jackie Chan” on Google, Google will recommend died and dead even before his movies or news, or his biography even.

jackie chan 2

This is another annoying thing people do in the Internet: ang patayin si Jackie Chan. I can’t remember how many times na siyang pinatay ng mga tao sa Internet. Seryoso, ilan pa ba ang buhay niya? Kapag totoong namatay na siya wala na sigurong maniniwala no? Mala-the boy who cried wolf na yan.

Ano bang problema niyo at lagi niyo siyang pinapatay? Nakakadagdag stress kayo sa #PDAFscam issue.

Ano ang napapala niyo kapag ginawa niyo to? Ikinayaman niyo ba? O e bakit niyo ginagawa pa? Di ko rin magets actually yung mga repost naman ng repost nang hindi muna inaalam kung totoo ba o hindi yung issue, be responsible netizens naman, ha-heart attack-in ako sa inyo e.

Pwede next time si Justin Bieber na lang? Or Daniel Padilla ganyan? Pretty please.

6. Think before you click.

And the root of this blog post.

So recently, this picture has become viral in the internet:

2

Have you seen this? Nope? Where in the world are you? Under a rock? In Zamboanga with no WiFi or poor connection?

If you haven’t already, let me tell you the story of one Hazel Calandria who clearly does not know what she is talking about in this post. Have you watched or listened to the entire news report, dear? I bet not, because if you have been paying attention, then you wouldn’t have made this post, tainted Ivan Mayrina’s reputation and made a bigger fool out of yourself you have to change names and picture on your social networking accounts. Boohoo. Crying now?

Here is the full explanation from GMA News:

“Some viewers have reacted on social media to GMA News reporter Ivan Mayrina wearing protective gear during a live report. 

It is a strict GMA News policy that field personnel, including off-camera crew members, wear such gear during conflict coverage. Nowhere in his live report did Ivan claim that he was in Barangay Santa Barbara or anywhere else at that moment except where he was – at a live remote set-up of GMA News. 

However, Ivan did go to Santa Barbara earlier in the day where he covered the situation there. That was in his edited report.”

And this is what Ivan Mayrina has to say to this issue:

3Classy, if you’d ask me. Simple, but very direct to the point.

And I still can’t fathom why a lot of people don’t get that. Please watch the news report again. Oh, wait! It has been made private by GMA News now. Please make it public again so people would know where they went wrong.

Jumping into conclusions, these dimwits!

I hope you guys made your research first. I hope you all know that Ivan started as SP to Jiggy Manicad. They were covering a rally that has gone so wrong in Mendiola and Jiggy was hit in the head with a big rock. Dahil dun, he can’t do his report so Ivan did the report for him. What does this tell you? He’s not a coward, look at where they were when he got “discovered.” Kaya magtigil ang mga walang alam.

All I’m saying is, before you say something that will definitely blow right back in your fugly face, please think about it first. I bet you’re wishing you’re at Sta. Barbara right now. And not in Camins, or wherever you are, I really don’t care.

For the record, the protective gear is mandatory, and we wouldn’t want another onslaught of news reporters like the one in Ampatuan murders, don’t we?

Dear, why don’t you just pray for you and your carinderia’s safety? Kung gusto mo lang pala ng exposure, di sana nakipag-ex deal ka sa media, hindi yung maninira ka pa.

Gusto ko lang din sabihin na kahit hindi war zone, e grabe ang pag-iingat ng mga tao sa media. Because no story is worth dying for.

Just this week, I had a segment shoot for responsible gun ownership. And since we’re going to a firing range, we had to get insurance, if something bad happens to us.

1235482_10201875137179489_370303419_n

Case in point is this picture taken when we did the baril segment. This is my cousin, a policeman by profession, as you can see. We are not in Zamboanga, and he is still in full battle gear! Kasi nga mandatory! Makukulit!

When we had to send a team to Palawan during the election period, I had to find out if it was a malaria-infested area before sending them off. We found out that the last case was five years ago, but GMA still made me arrange and coordinate with the clinic that will give my team malaria shots before I send them to that area. See how careful we are?

Precautions, precautions, people. Ano ang irerelay mong storya kung patay ka na? Wala. Ikaw na ang storya. Now, would you want that?

Lastly, if you Hazel Calandria had the balls to post that status and you clearly think that you are right, then why would you have to do this?

4Seryoso Ate? Magpapalit ka na rin lang ng pangalan, “Beersheba Lovell” talaga? Gandahan mo naman sana, chance mo na yan e. Nakakaloka ka.

Where are your balls, now?

Gaaaahd.

I hate being bound by this whole think before you click thing just because I work in this network. I can’t be maldita and all. Gaaaaah.

See? We have to think about these things, too. Leche.

Let’s just pray for the safety of everyone and hope that all of these will pass, and janet Napoles and the rest of these corrupt officials will soon pay.

In the end, this is what I would have to say:

Not working in the media, no opinion!

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