DISCLAIMER: Para sa mga malilinis at naglilinis-linisan at sa mga “What the fuck Mina ikukwento mo talaga yan?!”, ang post na ito ay hindi para sa’yo. Binalaan kita, pag nagbasa ka pa beyond this paragraph walang sisihan ha.

A little practice para di ka ma-stress sa babasahin mo ay basahin ang mga susunod na salita: vagina. vajayjay. keps. kepyas. pepe. pussy. (insert other terms you call it here.)


Done? O yan, walang aarte ha. Educational ‘to, promise!

Earlier today, I had my first bikini waxing experience. Yes, ang hirap maging babae. Chissa and I are going to Boracay to go papa-hunting unwind from work stress and since we both love the beach, we made a pact that within this year, we are going to the beach. So hell yeah we are! Also, mama, if you are reading this, this is my way of telling you that I am going away on the 24th and will not be back until the 26th. Don’t miss me that much. This goes to my bosses as well. Hahaha! 😀

Teka wait! Bago mo kami sabihan ng: “Grabe, magbi-beach ka pa ang dami daming nangangailangan ng tulong sa mga binagyo sa Yolanda!” and the like ay gusto ko lang sabihing, nauna na tong na-sked bago pa maghasik ng lagim si Yolanda, ‘mkay? Not that I need to explain myself, pero hiyang-hiya naman ako sa pagka-judgmental mo.

Okay, balik ulit tayo sa topic ko. Hoho. Sorry gulo ko, getting rusty. 😦

Actually, I was thinking on my way home on whether or not I should write about it since we are all so “conservative” and shit, but what the hell, I tell everything in the internetz anyway, why not tell about this experience as well? May disclaimer naman ‘di ba?

So yun nga. The original plan was just to have my legs waxed (my father had balbon genes, crap) which I do regularly, or if I’m feeling stingy, I wax my legs all by myself, yes, ALL BY MYSELF. Badass! Anyway, since I’m going to the beach and basically have to flaunt wear swimsuit, I wouldn’t want to have hairy legs, right? Sinong babae naman ang gugustuhin? Unless mag-pajama o shorts ako dun diba, I really need to get them legs waxed.

So I went to Ate Cheng’s apartment (lakas makamayaman ng Cheng’s apartment!) where we called for home service. Ate Jackie does the waxing, she is our super cool esthetician who I lurve a lot. So she’s doing her thing on my legs when  she said “Ma’am Mina, try mo magpa-bikini.” To which I retorted with: “Ayoko ate, masakit.” Ate Cheng and Ate Ana prodded on and told me that if Ate Ana can take it (Banana has low threshold for pain) then I surely can (the girl who wax her own legs.)

So I said yes because I thought shit, mukhang tanga lang at nakakalorka kung naka-swimsuit ka tapos may maghe-hello na pubes down there, bwahahaha! Deal with it na nga!

I was pretty nervous and shy at first but Ate Jackie said “‘Wag ka mahiya Ma’am, marami na kong nakita niyan.” Orkot, very “wag ka matakot, dadahan-dahanin lang natin.” But I still pulled my undies despite the horror and let her do her thing. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’d never thought I’d be going commando in front of a girl who’s not my mom, or my sister. Meh.

The girls (Okay, baka naguluhan ka kasi di tayo close, these were my roomies from when I was still renting near GMA, and they are still roomies, except for meee) were waiting for my “painful” facial reaction. Thankfully though, my high threshold for pain failed them. I believe, for the most part, my face looks blank with the usual “Aray, ate.”.

Thank God that the girls were there because they were distracting me by talking to me and making me laugh. Ate Ana said that laughing apparently makes it less painful. I don’t know, I just know that waxing down there is tolerable, for me at least.

If you would ask me how it felt after, I’d say I’m sore. Not devirginized kind of sore, because I don’t know how that feels, lol, but sore. I mean just imagine your pubes getting ripped from your sensitive part, would that feel great? Hahaha.

But if you would ask me on my overall experience, I’d say it was okay, considering aside from Ate Jackie, I have Chissa, Banana and Chulianne’s presence. True friends na talaga tayo, nakita niyo na ang lahat, bwiset! I’m also glad I didn’t had the urge to kick or bitchslap Ate Jackie because of uber pain. I remember though from the articles I wrote from my previous job that you can try the following things if you’re going to go through it the first time:

1. Take an Advil or mefenamic acid, to help ease the pain. I didn’t, it was not part of my plan. But I survived!

2. Wear granny panties (ako lang nagsabi nito) to give your skin air to breathe.

3. Wear a skirt, a maxi skirt or basta yung hindi hahanginin ng bongga, para ye know, yung mga commercial ng napkin, yown! Mafeel mo ang hangin. Hahaha!

4. Find a great esthetician (na-search ko lang sa Google yung tawag sa kanila) but if you’d ask me, find your own “Ate Jackie” or text me, and I’ll give you her number. I wouldn’t want to brag, but she’s like the girl who trained a lot of estheticians in one of these super sikat waxing stations. Grabe, as in when she waxes my legs, wala kong nararamdaman, pwede ko matulog, unlike when I got my legs waxed at Laybare Timog, gusto ko sipain si Ate. She now manages Bittersweet over at Sgt. Esguerra. They’re building another branch in Espana! Go find her! They can also do some weird stuff on your pubes. Lol at her kwento na shape mustache, ibon at arrow pointing downward ang remaining pubes. Hahaha! Perfect for girls who are into kinky stuff. 😛

5. I don’t know which you would prefer: cold wax or hot wax (Google the difference, if you don’t know anything about it.) I personally prefer cold wax, because I wouldn’t want my vajayjay to get burned. Lol. Ate Jackie uses cold wax btw. It’s edible, too! Ask Ate Ana how the chocolate-flavored wax tasted. She ate more than half of the tub. Ate Jackie said they’d be releasing strawberry-flavored wax by next year. And we were all asking, can we use it as gifts? Or sandwich spread? Lol.

6. Don’t do it yourself! Freaking hard, I think.

7. DO NOT get waxed 5 days before and after your period. Kung masokista ka e di gow!

8. You cannot go to the beach right away after getting it waxed. Wait for at least a day or two, or three, I think. Just to be safe.

9. You cannot have sex right away after getting it waxed. Ate Jackie said at least 10 hours, so women who are planning to get a wax in preparation for an anniversary, honeymoon night or just plain sexy time with your loved one, take note!

To end my story, I’d like to say that getting my vajayjay waxed is good. I feel cleaner. But will I do it on a regular basis instead of my usual self-trimming shizzz? Probably. But will I ever go for brazilian? Ahhh, now I’d have to think about it. Kung madadala ulit ng peer pressure.

‘Tang ina. Ang hirap maging babae.

How about you? Have you ever experienced a bikini or a brazilian? Will you go for it? How was your first time? Lol.