“We used to be best buddies, and now we’re not, I wish you would tell me why… do you want to build a snowman?”

The latter days of January kind of made me a social butterfly. On most days, especially when I do not have work, I would opt to stay in bed, and will not get out of it, unless I really have to. Like peeing, pooping, taking a bath, you know the drill. So if I move my arse out to go and meet you, you better feel fucking special. If I put on nice clothes and makeup, you’re a special siopai, may red sa noo. Char.

Surprisingly, this post has been sitting in my draft for a little more than a week now because I don’t know how to finish it. In fact, I have posted more than five blog posts already and this post is still here, still waiting for that certain push or pump of energy, or feelings or inspiration to finish it. Today might be it.

I was looking at my Facebook news feed earlier and I saw one of my closest high school friends who posted an update about her husband’s birthday. I remember how close we were. We talk about school stuff, boys, and we had each other’s backs; I mean I even remember I was the one who told her that she can maybe try her luck with Journalism because she hates her course back then (which she did, btw). I also remember how we kind of slowly drifted apart when we went off to different schools in college. She became this emo, Emily the Strange-loving kind of girl and I don’t know what kind of teenager I became, safe, I suppose. In those years, we only saw each other a few times, on yearly Christmas parties our little barkada had; an on our debuts and our friends’ debuts where we’re both invited. Other than that, I can’t remember if we even planned to go out and just you know, chill.

Right now, she already has a husband and a kid of her own and I haven’t seen her since we had this little get together (you guessed it, another Christmas party) in 2012. Before that, I think the last time was when we attended her wedding reception in Cavite with three other friends. I thought we we’re going to see her last year when our friend, Jet, threw a party at their house in Cavite when she came back from her job abroad, but she didn’t make it, along with three other friends who are mothers as well.

I kind of feel sad looking at her Facebook profile. I can’t remember the last time we had that same old conversation the way we did back in high school. I think the only interactions we have right now are liking each other’s post on Facebook and Instagram, and even that seemed more sparse than drops of rain in summer days.  I can’t even remember if we were able to greet each other in our birthdays when we spent all of our birthdays in high school together with our friends. Ain’t that sad?

I sincerely don’t know if we have outgrown each other. Maybe we have. She chose to be a wife, while I, on the other hand, chose to focus more on my trying to build my career. I don’t blame her for our falling out; and so all my other girl friends who took the road to motherhood for not being able to be there during get togethers and stuff. We have different priorities now. Except for Jovi, though. Jovi’s the best. She was kind of like Maris when she had her first baby, Athena. Always MIA. I don’t know when she started knowing how to juggle her responsibilities and still be able to meet up with us for our monthly dinner along with our college best friends now, but that’s just great.

Right now, I don’t know if and when we (Maris and I) meet each other, we’d still have that “friendship spark” we had in our first year in high school, or we’d feel awkward towards each other. But one thing’s for sure, I miss that girl and I still wonder what could have been if we were able to keep in touch with each other.

They said when the friendship is real, even if you haven’t seen each other in ages, that gap from the last time you’ve seen each other to the next would be nothing. It’s like you’ve seen each other yesterday and be best friends again. I hope we’re that kind of friends.

P.S.

I don’t know if she’ll get to read this, or if any of our common friends will, but this is not to single her out from all the other friends I have lost in contact with, I mean I have not seen most of them for a looong time, it just so happened that I saw her post, haha! For what it’s worth, I missed the whole bunch!

P.P.S.

This is not how I planned this post to be. Believe it or not, an entire chunk of the original post (90 percent of it) is still in draft. I just thought it’d be all over the place so I decided to just make this a little series, thus the friendship diaries before every title. Who knows, maybe I will be writing about you in the coming posts. 🙂

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