I always have this notion that if I put my mind to it, I am going to be good at anything that I want to do; except for all things related to Math. I will never, for the life of me, know how I was able to pass Algebra and Trigonometry. Also, Physics.

So whenever I look at friends and drivers while they’re driving, I always think that it’s easy, and if only my father or someone who knows how to drive would teach me, I’d be a goddamn lady driver, maybe even a car racer.

Lately though, I’ve realized, that although driving is one of the most useful skills anybody can have under his arsenal, I do not have the interest in learning such skill; however useful it maybe if and when zombie apocalypse dawn on us. Meh.

Here are the reasons why:

One acronym: EDSA. If you’re a Filipino, EDSA is like the longest parking lot in the country, and because my patience is as short as the height of a matchstick, (burns fast, too!) I don’t think driving is for me. I’d probably be one of those drivers who would keep on cursing expletives every time I have my hands on the steering wheel. In fact, EDSA is too congested my brother owns a shirt that read: Para kang EDSA, di ako maka-move on sa’yo. And that’s how traffic it gets in EDSA, especially during rush hour, Friday, paydays, holidays and everyday of the week. Fuck driving, I’m taking the train.

Two words: Overpriced gas. I’ve been to carpools and all that shit, and boy do cars burn gas. If big people burn fats the way cars do, oh boy, everyone’s Victoria Secret runway ready. These automobiles eat up gas like crazy. And I certainly don’t have the budget for that. I’m taking the jeep, what’s P8.50 and the occasional maniacs and smelly passengers? I’m no Manila girl for nothing!

This three word sentence: “I’m drunk, bitch!” And if I am, I’m not driving! I will never be comfortable putting my friends’ lives on my hands if ever I am. I also do not intend to be stopped because of DUI. Because I don’t have the cleavage or the boobs to flash the enforcer, I also don’t know how to give them ‘tong’ the right way. Meh. And I’d never dare use my media ID! Lol. There’s an app called GrabTaxi, I’m all for helping these taxi drivers earn the extra cash.

I mean sure, driving is cool, you get to be in places anytime you want and you can play your song so loud without a care in the world and you instantly have (user-friendly) friends and cars are chick magnets for guys. But if it isn’t nearing the zombie apocalypse, I’m not learning how to do it. For now. I think I’d rather ride a bike to flee from the onslaught of zombies. Oh fuck, I forgot I don’t know how to ride a bike either. I’ll just run, maybe. Wait, I’m not sporty enough to run. Shit, I’m going to be zombie food, aren’t I?