You know how when you have a dream so wonderful you want to remember every last bit of it? It’s like sand in your hands and it’s slipping right through your fingers and you’re like “wait, wait, I liked that part!” give it back! Well, I woke up this morning racking my brain to recover every last grain.

It was noon, I know (or maybe assumed) because there were only three of us in the room: me, him and his girlfriend. I assumed it was his girlfriend because they were making out in front of me. It was like a scene in a movie, where the couple doesn’t care if someone is in the room with them. I mean, dude, get a room. And I was just sitting there looking at them suck the face out of each other.

CUT TO me near a staircase and this guy who followed me and started professing his love for me (it was a flashback of sorts as it was so similar to when he did a long time ago.) And then I can’t remember what I did because I’m remembering three things: a.) I wanted to say “I love you” back but I just smiled and hugged him and inhaled his scent; b.) I call bluff and asked him “Then why were you kissing her?” to which with he retorted with “Because I’m a guy.” or c.) I actually said “I love you back.”

CUT TO we were waiting for a jeepney at Liwasang Bonifacio waiting to get a ride back home. His arms where on my waist and we looked like those lovesick couple you hate because guys, ang init init, makapagyakapan kayo?! Winter is coming ba?! Then I woke up, feeling wonderfully weird. Because how can I be having a dream about him when I haven’t spoken to him in almost a month? I haven’t been thinking about him, too.

So, maybe it was A or C because it ended well. Or it could also be B but I chose to believe that he picked me over that girl, who is actually my sister’s classmate in high school. So weird. Haha! Also, that inhaling his scent part in letter A felt so real. Remembered that time when he let me borrow his polo because it was raining and we didn’t have an umbrella and you know how his smell is still on the polo and I took it home? Hahaha! Talandi. Shet.

But whatever it is, it was so wonderful because even though it was all but a dream and it felt like I was actually floating and looking at myself being with him, it was the first time I felt safe, secure, happy, and contented with a guy. You know how you get to have a full and a crappy day and you just want to go home and take off that bra? That’s how it felt: comfortable, a tall signature hot choco from Starbucks, if it needs a description from the food department. One that doesn’t burn your tongue, or if it did, it’s fine because it’s just so good to pass up.

And then it makes you wonder. What if hindi ka masyadong nagmaganda Carmina? What if ‘no?

P.S. Now I’m stalking his Facebook account and I’m having second thoughts if I should tell him about the dream (I’ve been contemplating the whole day, btw). But heyyyy! There’s a valentine post with his mukhang yaya girlfriend. I shit you not, yaya levels, not just cause I’m bitter. Kaiyak. Kelan ba kayo magbe-break? Unfollow ka na nga muna sa’kin.

P.P.S. Enough about the non-existence of my love life. How’s life treating you?

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

-Wildest Dreams, TS 1989