My friend Chissa recently opened her new waxing salon, Chissassy Cold Waxing Lounge and I was one willing victim friend to be one of her wax estheticians’ target practices. Truth be told, even though I have been waxing myself/having myself wax by a professional, it still hurts. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it’s a great experience to undergo, but you know what they say, tiis ganda, mga teh! Ginusto mo yan!
Luckily, Jackie, the head waxpert, (she hates hair) has waxed like gazillions of vaginas and penis areas that her hands should be insured for waxing. I swear to you! It hurts, but with Jackie, it hurts less. LOL. So imagine my happiness when she and Chissa partnered in this business of helping women “go hair-free one lady at a time!”
Here are the stages I underwent the last time I went in for a brazilian wax. Because I’m always in the service of maaarte people, and friends with businesses, of course, I’m sharing them to you!
- I’m going to the beach! Cute swimsuit, check! Suntan lotion, check! Hair-free body, oops! Have to go tick that one off the list for a pak, pak, pak, ready to mowdel, Instagram-worthy beach body! De joke lang, it’s a jungle down there, that’s why. Excited for this!
- When should I make the schedule? Googles it. Oh yeah. At least 24 hours before going to the beach. All set!
- The day itself: Should I wear a skirt, a maxi skirt for better access? Or a pair of shorts? Nope, should let my vajayjay breathe after the session. Oooh, and wear the nicer undies I own. LOL.
- Thank God Ate Jackie (waxpert) already knows me and my vag well, I think she had seen its nooks and crannies better than I do. LOL.
- Takes off undies, hikes up maxi skirt. Lies on bed. Lezzdodizzz! the ohmyfkingawd this is so embarrassing face c/o Poipoi
- Ooh, that tickles. The trimming part makes my butt rise from the bed, like always. Is that the baby powder?
- Now the real deal starts. OH, HOLY MOTHER OF F@#^$*%*% GOD! Why does it hurt so bad? AWWWW. I CAN”T REMEMBER IT BEING THIS PAINFUL!!!
- “Ma’am, matagal ka na hindi nakabalik, lumalim na ulit ung kapit (ng buhok).” WTF. Did Ate Jackie just read my mind? Am I that transparent?
- Wax on, wax off. Keep calm, keep calm, keep calm, Carmina. You can do this. You’ve done this every time you need to go to the beach. Don’t be such a baby! But it fucking hurts!!!
- Wax on, wax off. Are we done yet?
- Wax on, wax off. I hate you Papa for having balbon genes. I’m blaming you!
- Wax on, wax off. Okay, I take that back. I hate the society! Why do you have to impose that hairless women are beautiful? I hate the person who invented the bikini! Like WTF?! Do you hate women so much?!
- Wax on, wax off. Okay, conversation starters. Think of conversation starters.
- Right, she has a big tat on her leg. “So, Ate Jackie, are you finally going to let me see your tat on your leg? Like it’s no fair you’ve seen every inch of me. I have to see it.” Ate Jackie laughs.
- Okay, she’s concentrating. Have to talk to a friend. (Luckily, the owner is my friend!) “Chissa, anong sabi ni Julianne? Papunta na siya?”
- Okay, this chat is taking my mind off of Ate Jackie brutally waxing down there.
- Why are you adjusting the light? Okay, spread eagle position. Awkwaaaard! Hahaha!
- Wax on, wax off. Are we done yet?
- I think I need a friend’s hand to hold. Should I call Chissa?
- Wax on, wax off. This procedure should really be suggested to your enemies. Like tell them, hey! You know, I just got a Brazilian wax and its freakin’ awesome! Your vag will look like a baby’s! It’s so smooth! Do it! And then wait for her experience her own living hell. Practice your evil laugh. It’s going to be worth it.
- A little more. Remember, para sa ekonomiya ‘to.
- At this point I can’t decide which is more painful: getting a tattoo or getting a Brazilian. 50-50.
- Wax on, wax off. Are we done yet? “Halfway through.” But that felt like half of my lifetime already!!!
- Oh, we’re in the most sensitive part now. I mean, I’m not really showing the vaj for everyone in the beach, maybe it’s okay if we don’t go to that part anymore. NO? OKAY. HELP!
- This procedure should be done to criminals – to rapists, pedophiles, corrupt government officials, snatchers, hold uppers, killers! Screw death penalty, let them experience living hell!
- I knew I should’ve taken that Advil. Why do I ever think I have a high tolerance for pain?
- Why do I ever put myself into something like this?!
- We’re done? Flip to the back side now?
- Oh, this feels okay. I can actually take this level of pain. (goes into a sleep, I think I just got tired with all the waxing.)
- Oh, we’re done? I can take a look now?
- Oh, wow. I SURVIVED! It’s worth all the pain!
- Bring out all the swimsuits, bitches! We’re going swimming!
I was supposed to be in Cebu swimming with whale sharks and later on in Dumaguete swimming with sea turtles but @*$^%#^&R&$ Manila traffic made me missed my flight. Two and half hours stuck in traffic. So here’s a #tbt instead from last year’s beach trip where I had a wax done instead of this year’s. Still pissed, don’t ask me about it anymore, don’t even joke about it, you’d hate it. Just had to let it out. Ktnxbye.
We’re done! Cat, my sister had her thingies waxed as well. Taken sometime before the actual opening. Dibs on the waxing experience!
Maybe you’d ask, if it f@(&#^$^ hurts like hell that I even suggest it as an alternative to death penalty, why do I still do it aside from “hey I’m going swimming!’ thing? It’s because I’m a masochist who likes hurting herself. No, totally kidding! Hahaha! I just like how it feels clean and smooth and groomed down there. You know, especially when you get your period and it feels messy right? With a Brazilian, cleaning up is easier, especially if you’re not used to using tampons. Don’t judge, this part of the world is still used to sanitary pads!
Remember though, do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it because:
…you’re doing it for your boyfriend or husband, (I’ve been asked once why do I do it when I don’t have a boyfriend, it’s because I want to) like will he ever undergo that pain just to please you in the bed? I guess not! You go do it for yourself, girl!
…you’re pressured by the society to do it. Screw all those fashion magazines who say it, I mean you’d say I’m being a hypocrite because why am I even doing it in the first place, but I shit you not, I can do hairy all year long, I just do it because I’d hate my pubes saying hello on the beach. So don’t do it because the society tells you to do it. You go do it for yourself, girl!
If you want to know more about my first waxing experience (and some tips and tricks to make it less painful), if letting you go into my head is still not enough for you, then click Ang Hirap Maging Babae: The One With The Vagina Monologue!
Chissassy caters to men and women and they can get rid of all your body hair. If they see hair, they remove it!
Why choose Chissassy?
They use all organic cold wax mixture made from sugar, spice and everything nice with a secret ingredient. Haha! Kidding aside, it’s organic in the sense that you can eat it. Like, literally eat it. It’s a sugar wax in a tub. My friends ate it once before when Jackie did a home service in our apartment. She can make strawberry and chocolate flavored wax, if you want to. And if you have sensitive skin like I do, you won’t panic, because it’s organic!
In as much as I trust my friends, I don’t let them wax me, why would you?
Jackie, the best waxpert in the world. I mean, I’ve been all praises for her in this post because it’s true. And I don’t lie, I’m so bad at it that you can tell if I’m lying. Don’t believe me? She trained most of (insert a popular waxing salon here) estheticians. That’s how good she is. Oh, yeah. Ask her artista clients who follow her wherever waxing salon she goes. Bow down, bitches. I mean, take your pants off, bitches.
It’s affordable! They have the lowest rates in the waxing industry as far as I can tell, so if you’re looking for a great waxing experience at a low price, check out Chissassy Cold Waxing Lounge, “the best waxing lounge in Quezon City” at Unit 2, 2nd floor Sir Williams Hotel in Timog, QC. It’s near the Boys Scout’s rotunda. It’s inside this red building in front of Racks and near McDonald’s.
Chissassy’s FB page: facebook.com/chissassy