Dear friend,

I’ve contemplated long and hard on whether or not I should make an end of year post; so hard that it’s already January 14 and I still haven’t had any outline on how to do this. Hahaha! What a noob! I tried looking at my previous end of year posts, but I wrote them with my cheesy and hopeful self for the coming year that it makes it harder for this year (or last year) to write because I wasn’t in a really hopeful mood to make one. Year ends are basically the hardest to write, you know, as it makes you review how your year went, and I’m too afraid to even look back and ask myself, what have you done that’s worth noting, self? Sige nga, i-enumerate mo!

Rip it like a band aid trick?

The start of 2015 was different, I missed a lot of work best friends because of work reasons. February wasn’t that great either, I got hospitalized due to stomach ache I missed a trip I’ve been really wanting to go to, but I’m doing so much better now and eating better and hating Coke, yay! So that’s a good thing.

Some of my last segment producing work’s highlights: I got to ride a helicopter for the first time, got to visit Baguio again and Siquijor for the first time. Siquijor is an enchanted island; it’s very beautiful I don’t know why I didn’t write about it here! We also won the bronze award in New York Festivals for GMA News TV’s “May Pinagdaanan, May Pag-Asa” station ID so yay! In June, I broke up with the love of my life, my dream job, because we’re both going in different directions. Dahil naniwala akong “We accept the love we think we deserve,” pikit mata kong iniwanan ang trabahong matagal kong pinangarap. So on my last day of shoot, I finally decided to get inked to commemorate my last day of shooting. Both teeny weeny tats signify hope, new beginnings, and making your own destiny.

Highlight of my year would probably be the month-long out of the country solo travel I did last July to unwind and think about things; although it made me see things in a different perspective and made friends from different parts of the world, I went home having more questions asked than answered, the need and want to travel more, and a thinner bank account. I would’ve had another local solo travel before the year ended but freaking Manila traffic made me missed my flight to see whale sharks and sea turtles in Cebu and Apo Island. I still hate Manila for that. 😦

I made new friends in this raket job I’m doing. Oh, during that interview, I got to say the word “fuck” and I got the job! Lol. I also got to make a documentary that was aired in Singapore! Why didn’t I wrote about this? This was a very nice experience that I told a friend over the phone pa! More than that, I realized how I love the media industry because a lot of things that we do feed the soul and give us a front row seat to see the world. I missed the media life. There, I said it, okay!

In the last few days of 2015, I climb my first summit, Mt. Pamitinan, really proud of myself. I also tried quitting social media for a week, and failed.

Wow, five paragraphs of “band aid trick,” Carmina? I’m really bad at making short blog posts. Should writing shorter blog posts be one of my resolutions? Because I’m planning a once a week post resolution, what do you think?

Friend, I don’t know why but for the first time in years, I’m not looking forward to what the new year has in store for me. Fourteen days has passed and I still feel like I haven’t done anything remarkable. You know I only realized that because there’s this person who asks me every day “ano ginawa mo?” “ano ginagawa mo?” and it pains me to answer him with “wala” or “same shit, different day.” But it’s the truth, I’m stranded. It’s not that I’m pressuring myself to do awesome things 24/7, but I think that I should’ve been doing better now that I’m particularly wiser. I should be, right, I was older than I was yesterday. But no, I’m feeling a bit depressed for no apparent reason/s. Maybe the no regular job yet and not knowing what job I want is a big chunk of what’s making me feel bad since I have a lot of time in my hands to actually reflect back on what my life has been so far. Also, having to cut down on expenses I usually enjoy. I don’t know what to do.

I’m thinking… Ruffles in cheddar and sour cream and chocolates would make me feel better. Paki-deliver sa bahay please thank you.

One of the only things I am positive of doing this year is to say “YES” to myself more. And for some of you, wonderful people, that may mean me saying NO to you. This time, I’m not really bullshitting you when I say it’s really not you, it’s me.


2016 me

photo by: Chris Famero

Today, I’m reading the book The Happiness Project trying to search for my own happiness. I hope it comes soon. I’m tired of being just okay.

Love always,