So recently, I unearthed this gem from my mom’s popular red attaché case that contains the family’s important documents. So you know how some teachers love to make their students write several essays so they can have some peace and quiet in the classroom? I was a victim of that one. And my mother happen to save this one essay 18 years ago.

So here’s a throwback! Please excuse the grammar lapses, I was in third grade, okay!

If I Were the President 

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If I were the president, I will do my responsibilities. I will make every streets clean. I will punish those who raped,who kidnapped, who holdaps and all the bad things that people maked. I will punish also the drug pushers. Because they were bad. I will cooperate with the mayors, v. president, speaker etc. Of course I will inspect, if the mayor, governors, v president, speaker and etc. are using drugs. I will also helped the poor and the needy. Also the fire victims, lahar victims and all. I will help also the Filipino to have their house. I will make some housings, like GSIS, SSS, NHA, Pag-ibig, TFL, UR and dagat-dagatan.

I’m guessing we were studying the different kinds of housing and loans in the third grade when I wrote this. TFL, UR and dagat-dagatan. WTF. Hahaha! I kept laughing at what my nine year old self had written. But frankly, I am laughing more at how my nine year old self’s platforms resonate the ones our current leaders have been telling us time and again. At least I didn’t waste hours of your time just to tell you vague and baseless platforms that apparently, even a nine year old can conjure out of her ass. Makes you think, no?

NOTE — The original draft of this post is extremely long, but I really do not want to make you read a four-page worth of rant, so here are some parts I kept. I think I’d put the other half on another post since I’m making my own research on the presidential candidates and if I happen to finish that one, I might share it to you guys.

A few questions I’d like to ask this election season… why is it that the qualifications to run for presidency only require an aspirant to have the following? (As outlined in Article VII, Section 2 of the 1987 Constitution)

  1. natural born Filipino;
  2. a registered voter;
  3. must be able to read and write;
  4. 40 years of age at the day of the election; and
  5. must have resided in the Philippines ten years before the election is held (Hello, Sen. Grace Poe)

MUST BE ABLE TO READ AND WRITE. You have got to be shitting me. Considering how applying for a job that pays a meager salary requires you oh I don’t know, more than that? For instance, you cannot qualify for a government position in the country if you have not taken and passed the civil service exam (reason why I cannot apply to any government position right now) and you should have a college degree related to the job, among others. Do you know that my job requires somebody who has a background in producing, social media managing, editing (a plus) and not just being able to read and write? And I just manage a YouTube channel, not an entire country. My other job requires someone who has an experience writing and producing for TV, not just being able to read and write.

And why is it that most company, if not all of them, has a “no relatives up to several degrees of consanguinity” rule and we have a government with a whole family of mother, son, daughter, father supposedly “leading” a country?

And why is it that we allow convicted crooks to even run when you don’t even get hired if you don’t have an effin’ police clearance? How mental is our system, no? Really more fun in the Philippines!

When are we ever going to amend those preposterous “qualifications” to run the country? Or are we ever going to? Because clearly, if we have higher standards for people who has the competence to run the country instead of people who think they have the right just ‘cause they’re the second in line of their father or mother died serving the country, then we have better chances, maybe? Or at least better options than the ones we already have. That’s all I’m asking for, better options. And don’t even get me started on the kind of vice presidents and senatorial bets that we have!

Okay, fine. I haven’t researched yet on the other technical qualifiers for one to be allowed to run in the elections if ever there are, I’m guessing and I’d like to believe that there are, because there are none, well fck me. I also checked other countries’ requirements for eligibility, and to be fair, US, one of the most powerful countries in the world only lists three in their constitution.

And so to give the benefit of the doubt, Commission on Elections sets guidelines on nuisance candidates: see here The problem? They’re still looking for jurisprudence on how to do it. Like, wtf? Is this the first time we’re having an election? And isn’t too late to just start now when elections is in several months?

Seriously, I can’t wait for 2049, where Marvin Agustin is finally our president and Tootsie Guevarra is his vice president and the Philippines is a rising tiger once again and congressmen get their hands cut off if caught nicking on taxpayers’ money! And how could I forget? Donita Rose as the Pope! (If you don’t get the reference and you’re not a Filipino then I get you, but if you are one and you still don’t get it, I’m judging you. That’s sarcasm, by the way. Some people don’t get it and apparently I have to say it is sarcasm because some people think I’m being serious. SMH)

Okay dami kong rants. Ktnxbye. Next post for next week is going to be fun and light, promise!

P.S. Please enlighten me on the whole process of how COMELEC determines the nuisance candidates from the eligible ones and if my rants above are nonsensical. I’m not good with law jargons so please use layman’s terms, if ever? Thank you. Also, do not be rude, you faceless internet user.