When I was a kid, my mother would always drag me out of the house to play with my cousins and neighbors. She said that I couldn’t stand being with a lot of people and would always ask her to go back to our house just after a few minutes of staying outside. I couldn’t remember half of it, but a lot of my childhood memories are usually of me playing house and/or with my Barbies alone, lost in my own little world, so I’m guessing she’s right. Carmina Mones having quality “me time” at the age of five. LOL. The few memories I’ve had of me socializing with kids is whenever I play with my hula hoop, jump rope, and the few times my cousins would let me join Black 1, 2, 3 – which frankly, I didn’t enjoy. #lampayatot I wasn’t a sporty kid, so much so that the only time I represented my class for intramurals was for Chinese checkers in the fifth grade. And that wasn’t a “team” game. I won second place, by the way.
So you could say I like keeping things to myself. K, I know it’s kind of ironic because, “Hello, Carmina, you practically blab about yourself and your feelings on social media A LOT.” Lol. That’s what I’d like you to think. Like you think you know, but you don’t know shit about me, unless we’re close friends.
Like maybe the fact that I have been living alone now for most of 2017. Not every single one of my friends know that. It’s not something that I planned to live independent and prove something to myself or whatever. It just kind of happened. Last year, I’ve been living with my sister, youngest brother, and father. Soon after, my sister decided it’s time for her to “spread her wings and prepare to fly, butterfly” and got herself an apartment near her work and replaced me as her forever roommate with OJTs from her work. Cut to January of this year where my father went to Leyte because he’s sick of the city life. I don’t know if he’s acting like a fed up millennial or an old person who just wants to retire. LOL. A few weeks after that, our youngest also left home, leaving me and a one bedroom apartment all to myself.
For the first time in my life, I have everything all to myself. No mama to tell me to go play outside. Or having to fight my siblings with the remote because I want to watch ETC and my brothers want to watch UFC. There were a lot of firsts I have encountered in this new set up, some are good, others, not so much. But mostly good.
I can now read a book until the wee hours of the morning without having to fight my sister with having to turn the lights off so she could sleep, I now have more space and on the process of converting the old space where my bed was into some kind of a walk in closet (AWOW walk-in closet, mayaman naman pala ang ate mo), I can now use the bathroom without having to close it, walk around in my undies, dance in my undies, sleep naked (haven’t tried this), and maybe even walk around not wearing anything (think Jen Aniston in the Break Up). Okay, I don’t know why this list involves a lot of doing things sans clothing, maybe it’s the privacy that comes with it, I don’t know. But having to do stuff without the need to explain to somebody why I’m doing it is the kind of freedom I’m currently experiencing. And I’m totally here for it.
NOTE: Wearing pants is optional.
The other night, I’ve been dealing with some friendship over drama thing that was super petty, like petty pa sa petty that blew out of proportions. I was so upset when I got home that I ended up ugly crying. But since I live alone, I didn’t have anyone to think about if I should bawl while risk having an awkward conversation with someone I live with asking me why I cried or if I’m okay the morning after.
I woke up with puffy hahaha she cried face the morning after. But you know what? I have felt a huge burden was lifted off of my chest I felt okay again. It was actually then that it has sunk in, I have my own little world at last: a place where I’m queen, a place where I could do whatever I want without ever giving a flying fuck or wondering what would people think, a place where I make the rules, or don’t bother with having none of it. I have a fortress. I am SUPERWOMAN.
And the best part? Living alone is the strongest, at peace, and farthest from lonely I have ever been for the longest time.
P. S. I created a new category, solo living – where I hope I could write more about my experiences of living solo. Haha! Here’s the first entry! ❤️